Parenting Technique #1

Who needs to read books or seeking advice from professionals when reverse psychology achieve the same thing? Classic example:

X: Mom, why can’t I date Y?

X’s Mom: why don’t you be like auntie Z’s daughter and date A, B, and C and make a name for yourself?

X: ???!?!??!?!

Our Professions

Vietnamese are very practical, hence the following breakdown:

For guys: IT, technical degrees, engineering (computer science, electrical engineer, etc), doctor, and lawyer.

For the ladies: nursing, business degree (finance and accounting), and cosmetic.

For both sexes: NAIL! We pretty much dominate this industry and that’s a fact.

Studying something that does not make money or unable to get a job would be queer. Interested in psychology and art? Forget it, it doesn’t make money and it’s unpractical. Career in acting/stage/show/singing? Don’t even think about it, those professions are for gay and lesbian. How about joining Peace Corps and do some good? What? Are you nuts?

The Dad

Dad is a funny creature in many ways. Dad reads newspaper, but only war and politic sections. Dad discusses mostly about war and politics. Dad talks to dad’s friend mostly about war and politics. Dad is a walking and living  war and politics encyclopedia. Dad can recite exactly every pre-75 war events with exact dates and who’s who, but when ask dad about kid’s birthday and mom’s anniversary… dad’s clueless. Dad’s food groups include: coffee, cigarettes, and Pho. Dad’s values and beliefs are in need of few upgrades. Dad still values virginity as a #1 indication of a good wife. Dad still believes that with a lot of political non-sense oversea will somehow turn the tide of communism. That’s our dad!

Vietnamese Clock

Invitation with time serves only as guideline.  All Vietnamese clock are two hours behind the world. 5PM invitation for party would be 7PM-8PM. The later you arrive, the better you look. Arriving early would mean you’re really desperate. Don’t ever go to any Vietnamese wedding at the designated reserve time because everyone will arrive two hours late.

How to be a “cool” Vietnamese guy

1. Clean cut with hair parted in the middle.

2. Drive a two-door Japanese sport car.

3. Smoke heavily.

4. Speak very broken English or pretend you can’t speak Vietnamese at all.

5. Frequent Vietnamese coffee shops.

6. Godlike in billiard.

7. Always play latest crappy Vietnamese/hip-hop/rap music.

North Vs South Vs Central

Stereo-typical of North: ceremonious, superficial, easily offended when losing face, but very smooth.

Stereo-typical of South: loud, obnoxious, unsophisticated, but easy going.

Stereo-typical of Central: very formal and rigid, family oriented, Huế ladies are refined and elegant, but overall very cheap.

Vietnamese is very stereo-typical when it comes to one’s background.  Your background would basically indicate how one would expect to behave. It’d be okay for a Southerner to be loud and say things that are uncool, likewise… a Northerner would expected to be refined in his interaction with others while Central people would need to be soft speaking and nice.

How to be a graceful Vietnamese lady

Laughing, giggle, trying to be funny, and general goofiness would not be considered charming. To be a proper graceful and charming Vietnamese lady, you always have to have a sad deep sorrowful look. Doing otherwise would be considered as “charmless or ungraceful.”

Girl Vs Boy

First child: son is always preferred as oppose to girl. However, the ironic part is (rough translation) “Treat daughter-in-law as your own, son-in-law as guest.”

Eucalyptus Oil

Who needs medicine when you have Eucalyptus Oil.

The Vietnamese will use the Eucalyptus oil to treat almost all kind of ailments. Feeling sick? Apply some oil and start coining. You’re getting a cold? Apply some oil and start coining. By the way, coining is a process of using a coin (such as a quarter) with pressure on your back or neck and create a very red streak that looks like you’ve got beaten down with no mercy.

Here’s another true story, I was at a party and people were discussing about toothache and different kind of remedies for it. One guy said, “I used Eucalyptus Oil to sooth my toothache.” All I can say, damn… this oil is the shit :).

Common Ailments

All ailments are classified as: “Trúng Gió”

Cold, flu, sudden death, feeling sick, body ache, etc… and etc are all classified as “Trúng Gió.” No one I’ve asked was able to explain what exactly that is, but it seems that whatever sickness that you’ve got will be attribute to that special category.  Here’s a true story. A friend of mine went and have some drink, when he got home and went to sleep… he never woke up. He died in his sleep.  Since he was in Vietnam and there wasn’t any explanation for why he died… when I asked, the answer was: “trúng gio'”.